I sat there waiting for my name to be called. I had woken up so early to get here and once I arrived, I still managed to have twelve people in front of me. Once I was finally called to window two, she entered all my information into the computer and handed me a piece of paper and said, “look over the paper and make sure all the information is correct.” I didn’t think it would hit me so hard, but when I looked at my name attached to a new last name, there was a sudden uncomfortability that followed, this idea that I would never be called by my maiden name again. I was at this moment it truly hit me that I was now married and I was now going to be seen by the surname attached to my husband. Though everything in the system stayed the same I didn’t reciprocate the same feeling. I thought, “OMG I have a new name”.
As I drove home and spoke on the phone with my sister I explained to her “I don’t know who I am now” As she laughed, I told her my identity had now changed. She couldn’t stop laughing at how hysterical I was being. I always knew this would happen, however I never rehearsed it enough in my mind to truly see it coming. I was so accustomed to my former name that I felt this whole thing was one of my husbands schemes to be petty. I knew that was neither logical nor true but that was what I was feeling, and realized that there was no going back. I was now one with him, and that day it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have no idea why it took so long to hit me, but I think it took me letting go of something I felt so entitled to, to realize my full submission to my husband. Everything else came easy when we first got married but this showed me how much I valued my last name. How I have been that person for so long, how it showcased how much I have grown, what I accomplished, what I endured, and where I came from. That was my name, and that was me. Well, it used to be me. This may seem so trivial to some but with every action there is a reaction and you will soon see what you value by your reaction to it being taken away.
I didn’t cry or anything or had a reminiscent slideshow for Esther Roger, though my former last name meant a lot to me and signified who I was. I still decided to honor my husband by letting go of my father’s last name and taking on his. It will take some getting use to and I have to practice new signatures, but our new family and vision is worth it. I embrace this because first, he is my husband and we are one, and second, God gave us dominion here on earth not only to rule over, but the ability to name. Just as God named creation, He assigned Adam with the same task. As time has progressed, we have also been given this ability to name our children. So if God ever decides to change a person’s name, it marks an entry into a new season or a new covenant has been made. Because your old self, that particular person can only bring you 'this far'. After Abram’s covenant with God this marked a birth of something new. Therefore, Abram went as far as he could, but it was Abraham that would be “a father of many nations”. Therefore, Esther Roger went as far as she could under her father, But there is somewhere That Esther Darius must now go that my old self could have not tagged along.